How To Forgive Your Parents and Move On

Learn how to forgive your parents for past hurts, abuse, or mistakes with empathy, understanding, and practical steps to heal and move on.

Forgiving your parents can be a deeply personal and transformative journey. Whether you’re seeking to forgive them for past hurts, abuse, or mistakes, the process requires reflection, compassion, and often, support.

Forgiveness is not about excusing harmful actions but about freeing yourself from the weight of resentment and opening the door to healing.

“Any childhood trauma you refuse to heal will continue to manifest in your adult life.”

Table of Contents

#1. Acknowledge the Pain

Before you can forgive your parents, recognize and accept the pain they caused. Suppressing or ignoring these feelings can prolong emotional distress.

Journaling or sharing your experiences with a trusted friend can help you validate your emotions. If you feel hurt or wronged by your parents, acknowledge those feelings openly.

Naming the pain is the first step toward understanding it and moving forward. Acknowledging the pain also means recognizing that how to forgive your parents isn’t about forgetting; it’s about releasing the emotional weight tied to the past.

#2. Seek Understanding

Understanding your parents’ behavior doesn’t mean justifying their actions, but it does help provide context. Reflect on their upbringing and the challenges they faced.

Were they acting out their childhood wounds? Did they lack the tools or knowledge to parent differently? Your parents likely did not have access to the psychological and spiritual knowledge, information, and healing modalities that exist today.

They may have been repeating cycles of behavior learned in their own families. By understanding that your parents were acting out their wounds, you begin to see their imperfections in a more compassionate light.

For Christians, turning to biblical principles, like “honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), can guide this reflection while emphasizing compassion. Recognizing that they are learning and struggling can open the door to understanding.

#3. Practice Empathy

Empathy allows you to see your parents as imperfect individuals who, like everyone, struggled in their own way.

They may have made mistakes due to fear, ignorance, or unresolved trauma. Understanding that they were acting out their own wounds, much like anyone does, can change your perspective.

Try to imagine their life experiences and the factors that influenced their decisions. This perspective doesn’t erase the pain they caused but can help you release bitterness and resentment.

While practicing empathy, remember that learning how to forgive your parents for abuse or hurtful behavior takes time. You can empathize with their struggles and still honor your own need for healing.

#4. Set Boundaries

Forgiveness does not mean tolerating harmful behavior or allowing others to mistreat you. Establishing clear boundaries is essential for maintaining your emotional and physical well-being.

Boundaries communicate what is acceptable in your relationship moving forward and allow forgiveness to coexist with self-respect. In cases where forgiveness is sought for more serious hurts, such as abuse, setting boundaries is key to protecting yourself from further harm.

Boundaries allow you to choose how to forgive your parents and move on without fear of repeating past patterns. Healthy boundaries ensure that forgiveness does not equal permission for continued abuse or mistreatment.

#5. Turn to Faith

For those seeking a Christian approach to forgiveness, turning to Scripture and prayer can provide strength and clarity.

Verses like Ephesians 4:32, which encourages believers to “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you,” can serve as reminders of the grace and forgiveness we are called to extend.

For those wondering how to forgive your parents through Christianity, turning to your faith can provide both the guidance and comfort you need.

Spend time in prayer, asking God for the strength to forgive and ask for healing in your relationship. Prayer can be a powerful tool to help you release the pain and open the door to a more peaceful relationship.

#6. Consider Therapy

Sometimes, the pain caused by parents — especially in cases of abuse or neglect — can
feel overwhelming. Therapy can offer a safe space to process these emotions and develop tools to move forward.

Therapists can help you unpack past trauma, understand its impact, and work toward forgiveness in a healthy, supportive environment. It can be an invaluable resource when you’re unsure about how to forgive your parents for abuse or past mistakes.

Online communities, such as Reddit, also offer support where individuals share their experiences of forgiving their parents. These platforms can provide encouragement and insights as you navigate your healing journey.

#7. Release Resentment

Forgiving your parents for past hurts or a bad childhood doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning their behavior. It means letting go of the resentment that holds you back.

Resentment can weigh heavily on your mental and emotional health. Consider practices like meditation or writing a letter to your parents (even if you never send it) as ways to release these burdens.

The goal of forgiveness is freedom from resentment. Learning how to forgive your parents for hurting you is a process that takes time, and releasing anger is a step toward reclaiming your peace.

#8. Read and Learn

Reading about others’ experiences can help you feel less alone during your healing journey. Books on forgiveness can provide additional guidance and inspiration.

Titles like The Book of Forgiving by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu offer practical steps and spiritual insights into forgiveness. Engaging with such resources can give you tools and perspectives that make the journey easier.

If you’re looking for a book on how to forgive your parents, these resources can help you understand forgiveness not only as a concept but as a tangible process.

#9. Forgiveness and Moving On

Ultimately, forgiving your parents for their mistakes or hurting you is about reclaiming your peace. It’s a process of acknowledging pain, seeking understanding, and finding ways to heal.

By letting go of the anger tied to a bad childhood or past abuses, you free yourself to move forward. Whether through faith, therapy, or self-reflection, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

Forgiving your parents is not easy, but it’s crucial for personal growth. By choosing to forgive your parents and move on, you take control of your healing and build a foundation for a healthier, happier future.

Whether you’re trying to understand how to forgive your parents for past hurts and abuse, or simply for mistakes made during a difficult childhood, forgiveness is an essential tool for moving forward.

With time, empathy, and self-compassion, you can learn how to forgive your parents and embrace profound healing.