Identifying narcissistic behavior traits, patterns, and signs can be crucial in maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your well-being.
What is narcissistic behavior? It is a pattern of narcissistic behavior traits associated with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
When trying to spot narcissistic behavior traits, remember that one or more of these characteristics may not be a sign of narcissism. While not everyone who exhibits these behaviors has NPD, these traits are often indicative of narcissistic tendencies.
Repeated narcissistic behavior patterns may be a sign of a narcissistic personality disorder. However, a formal diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) requires a comprehensive evaluation by a mental health professional.
What are some examples of narcissistic behavior? Here are some common narcissistic behavior signs and examples of narcissistic behavior in a relationship:
#1. EXCESSIVE SELF-IMPORTANCE
Narcissists often have an inflated sense of their importance and achievements. They may exaggerate their talents or accomplishments and expect to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements.
Here’s how to spot this behavior:
Frequent Bragging:
Pay attention to how often someone talks about their achievements or talents. Narcissists tend to boast excessively about their successes and abilities, often bringing them up in conversations without context.
Unrealistic Claims:
Look for statements that seem exaggerated or implausible. Narcissists often make grandiose claims about their abilities, connections, or accomplishments that don’t align with reality.
Monopolizing Conversations:
Notice if the person consistently dominates conversations, steering them back to their own experiences and achievements. They may interrupt others to share their own stories or accomplishments.
Dismissal of Others’ Achievements:
Watch how they react to other people’s successes. Narcissists often downplay or dismiss the achievements of others, seeing them as threats to their superiority.
Entitlement to Praise:
Observe their reaction to praise or lack thereof. Narcissists often feel entitled to admiration and may become visibly upset or frustrated if they don’t receive the attention they believe they deserve.
Name-Dropping:
Be alert to frequent name-dropping of important or influential people. Narcissists often try to elevate their status by associating themselves with high-profile individuals.
Focus on Superficial Attributes:
Pay attention if they emphasize superficial qualities, like appearance or material possessions, as measures of their worth and importance.
Overconfidence in All Areas:
Note if they exhibit overconfidence in areas outside their expertise. Narcissists often believe they are knowledgeable or skilled in a wide range of subjects without sufficient evidence to support these beliefs.
Comparisons with Others:
Observe if they constantly compare themselves to others, usually highlighting how they are better or more accomplished. This need to assert their superiority is a key trait.
Reacting Poorly to Setbacks:
Watch their reactions to failures or setbacks. Narcissists often cannot handle failure gracefully and may react with anger, blame others, or deny the failure altogether.
By being mindful of these behaviors, you can better identify individuals with excessive self-importance and take steps to protect yourself from their potentially harmful influence.
#2. LACK OF EMPATHY
A hallmark of narcissism is a lack of empathy. Narcissists have difficulty recognizing or caring about the feelings and needs of others. They may come across as cold or uncaring, particularly in situations where empathy is typically expected.
Here’s how to spot this behavior:
Insensitive Remarks:
Pay attention to how someone responds to others’ emotional expressions. Narcissists often make insensitive or dismissive comments about others’ feelings, showing little concern for how their words affect them.
Lack of Emotional Responses:
Observe their reactions to emotionally charged situations. A narcissist may appear indifferent or unresponsive when others express strong emotions such as sadness, fear, or joy.
Failure to Listen:
Notice if they show a lack of interest when others talk about their problems or feelings. They might interrupt, change the subject, or show signs of boredom rather than offering support or understanding.
Self-Centered Conversations:
Watch for a tendency to steer conversations back to themselves, even when discussing someone else’s issues. Narcissists often struggle to focus on others’ needs and instead highlight their own experiences and feelings.
Dismissive Body Language:
Look for body language that indicates disinterest or disdain, such as rolling eyes, crossing arms, or turning away from someone who is speaking about their feelings.
Inability to Offer Comfort:
Pay attention to their ability (or inability) to offer comfort or support. Narcissists often struggle to provide genuine comfort and may offer shallow or perfunctory responses instead.
Ignoring Boundaries:
Notice if they disregard personal boundaries. Narcissists may invade personal space, dismiss others’ requests for privacy, or impose their own needs without regard for others’ comfort or consent.
Exploiting Vulnerabilities:
Be alert to behaviors where they take advantage of other’s weaknesses or vulnerabilities for personal gain. Narcissists often exploit these situations rather than offering support.
Lack of Guilt or Remorse:
Observe their reactions to situations where they have hurt someone. Narcissists rarely show genuine guilt or remorse and may instead rationalize or justify their behavior.
Inconsistent Friendships:
Notice patterns in their friendships and relationships. Narcissists often have a history of short-lived or superficial relationships, as they struggle to form deep, empathetic connections.
Conditional Kindness:
Look for kindness that seems conditional or transactional. Narcissists may only offer help or support when there is something in it for them, rather than out of genuine concern.
By being aware of these behaviors, you can more easily identify individuals who lack empathy and take steps to protect yourself from their potentially harmful effects on your emotional well-being.
#3. NEED FOR EXCESSIVE ADMIRATION
Narcissists crave constant admiration and validation from others. They often fish for compliments and become upset or angry if they feel they are not receiving enough attention or praise.
Here’s how to spot this behavior:
Constantly Seeking Compliments:
Pay attention to how often someone seeks compliments or validation. Narcissists frequently fish for compliments by highlighting their achievements, appearance, or skills, often in a way that begs for praise.
Overly Sensitive to Criticism:
Notice their reaction to any form of criticism, no matter how minor. Narcissists often react poorly to criticism, becoming defensive, angry, or visibly upset when they don’t receive the validation they expect.
Attention-Seeking Behavior:
Look for behaviors designed to draw attention to themselves. This can include dramatic gestures, loud speaking, or dressing in a way that ensures they are noticed.
Dominating Conversations:
Observe if they consistently dominate conversations, steering them towards topics that allow them to shine or be admired. They often monopolize discussions, leaving little room for others to contribute.
Social Media Presence:
Check their social media activity. Narcissists often post excessively about their lives, achievements, and appearance, constantly seeking likes, comments, and shares to fuel their need for admiration.
Insecurity About Praise:
Notice if they seem insecure when not receiving praise. They may repeatedly seek reassurance or become anxious and withdrawn when they feel overlooked or undervalued.
Competitive Nature:
Pay attention to how they react to others receiving praise. Narcissists often feel threatened by others’ achievements and may respond by trying to one-up them or belittle their successes.
Frequent Self-Promotion:
Look for a pattern of self-promotion in various settings. Narcissists often highlight their abilities and accomplishments in a way that seems out of place or excessive.
Disregard for Others’ Contributions:
Notice if they downplay or ignore the contributions of others. Narcissists often focus on their role in a success story and fail to acknowledge the efforts of those around them.
Hostility When Overlooked:
Observe their reaction when they are not the center of attention. Narcissists may show hostility or resentment if they feel others are getting the admiration or recognition they believe they deserve.
Exaggeration of Achievements:
Be alert to the exaggeration of their achievements. Narcissists often inflate their accomplishments to appear more impressive and deserving of admiration.
By being mindful of these behaviors, you can better identify individuals with a need for excessive admiration and take steps to protect yourself from their potentially manipulative or draining influence.
#4. SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT
Narcissists often have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment and may believe they deserve special treatment or recognition. They might also expect others to cater to their needs without reciprocation.
Here’s how to spot this behavior:
Unrealistic Expectations:
Pay attention to how often someone expects special treatment or privileges. Narcissists frequently believe they are entitled to the best of everything, regardless of whether they have earned it.
Impatience and Irritation:
Notice their reactions in situations where they are not given special treatment. Narcissists often become impatient, irritated, or angry when they feel they are being treated like everyone else.
Demanding Behavior:
Look for demanding and authoritative behavior, especially in contexts where it is unwarranted. They might expect others to prioritize their needs and desires over everyone else’s.
Lack of Gratitude:
Observe their response to favors or help from others. Narcissists often fail to show genuine gratitude, taking others’ efforts for granted and expecting continuous support without reciprocation.
Breaking Rules:
Pay attention to how they handle rules and norms. Narcissists often believe they are above the rules and may disregard guidelines or laws that they feel should not apply to them.
Expectations of Deference:
Notice if they expect others to defer to them in conversations or decision-making. Narcissists often assume their opinions and desires should take precedence over others.
Using Others:
Be alert to behaviors where they exploit others for personal gain. Narcissists may take advantage of people’s kindness, resources, or efforts without offering anything in return.
Dismissive of Others’ Needs:
Observe how they react to others’ needs and requests. Narcissists often disregard or minimize the needs and feelings of others, focusing solely on their requirements.
Frequent Complaints:
Notice if they frequently complain about not being treated well enough. Narcissists often voice dissatisfaction with how they are treated, feeling that they deserve better than what they receive.
Expectation of Special Treatment in Public Places:
Look for behaviors in public settings where they expect preferential treatment, such as demanding special service at restaurants or cutting in lines.
Inflexibility and Rigidity:
Observe if they are inflexible and unwilling to compromise. Narcissists often expect others to accommodate their schedules, preferences, and plans without considering others’ needs.
By being mindful of these behaviors, you can better identify individuals with a sense of entitlement and take steps to protect yourself from their potentially exploitative or demanding influence.
#5. MANIPULATIVE BEHAVIOR
Narcissists can be highly manipulative, using others to achieve their ends. They may employ tactics like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or exploiting others’ vulnerabilities to get what they want.
Here’s how to spot this behavior:
Guilt-Tripping:
Pay attention to how often someone makes you feel guilty for not doing what they want. Narcissists frequently use guilt to manipulate others into complying with their desires.
Gaslighting:
Notice if they make you doubt your perceptions or memories. Narcissists often engage in gaslighting, a form of manipulation where they twist facts or deny past events to make you question your reality.
Playing the Victim:
Observe if they frequently portray themselves as the victim in situations, even when they are at fault. Narcissists often use this tactic to gain sympathy and manipulate others into supporting them.
Exploiting Vulnerabilities:
Be aware of how they handle sensitive information about you. Narcissists may use your vulnerabilities, fears, or past mistakes against you to control or manipulate you.
Flattery and Charm:
Notice if they use excessive flattery or charm to win you over. Narcissists often employ these tactics to gain your trust and make you more susceptible to manipulation.
Divide and Conquer:
Look for patterns where they create conflicts between others to maintain control. Narcissists often pit people against each other to keep them off balance and dependent on the narcissist.
Conditional Kindness:
Observe if their kindness or generosity seems to come with strings attached. Narcissists often use conditional acts of kindness to manipulate others into feeling obligated or indebted.
Shifting Blame:
Pay attention to how they handle responsibility. Narcissists often deflect blame onto others, refusing to take accountability for their actions and manipulating the situation to avoid criticism.
Silent Treatment:
Notice if they use the silent treatment as a form of punishment. Narcissists may withdraw communication to manipulate others into feeling anxious or desperate for their attention.
Mirroring:
Watch for behaviors where they mimic your interests, values, or feelings. Narcissists often use mirroring to create a false sense of connection and trust, making it easier to manipulate you.
Inconsistent Behavior:
Be alert to sudden changes in their behavior or attitudes. Narcissists can be unpredictable, switching between kindness and cruelty to keep you uncertain and more easily controlled.
Testing Boundaries:
Observe if they regularly test or push your boundaries. Narcissists often gradually encroach on your limits to see how much they can manipulate you.
By being aware of these behaviors, you can better identify manipulative individuals and take steps to protect yourself from their potentially harmful influence.
Setting clear boundaries and maintaining a strong sense of self-awareness are key strategies in dealing with manipulative behavior.
#6. ARROGANCE & HAUGHTINESS
Narcissists often come across as arrogant or haughty. They may belittle or demean others to assert their superiority and maintain their self-image.
Here’s how to spot this behavior:
Condescending Attitude:
Pay attention to how someone speaks to others. Narcissists often use a condescending tone and language, making others feel inferior or ignorant.
Belittling Others:
Notice if they frequently belittle or demean others, either directly or indirectly. Narcissists often try to assert their superiority by making others feel small or inadequate.
Boasting and Bragging:
Look for patterns of excessive boasting or bragging about their achievements, possessions, or abilities. Narcissists often seek to impress others with their perceived superiority.
Interrupting and Dominating Conversations:
Observe if they frequently interrupt others or dominate conversations. Narcissists often show a lack of respect for other’s opinions and viewpoints, believing theirs to be the only valid perspective.
Disregard for Others’ Feelings:
Pay attention to how they treat others’ feelings. Narcissists often disregard or dismiss others’ emotions, seeing them as insignificant compared to their own.
Refusal to Admit Mistakes:
Notice if they have difficulty admitting when they are wrong. Narcissists often refuse to acknowledge their mistakes, believing it would undermine their self-image of perfection.
Need for Constant Admiration:
Be aware of their need for constant admiration and validation. Narcissists often seek reassurance of their superiority from others to maintain their self-esteem.
Sense of Entitlement:
Observe if they have a sense of entitlement, believing they deserve special treatment or recognition without having to earn it.
Lack of Empathy:
Notice if they show a lack of empathy towards others. Narcissists often have difficulty understanding or caring about others’ feelings, seeing them as irrelevant to their own needs.
Exaggerated Sense of Self-Importance:
Be alert to behaviors that suggest an exaggerated sense of self-importance. Narcissists often see themselves as more important or special than others, leading to arrogant behavior.
Difficulty Handling Criticism:
Pay attention to how they react to criticism. Narcissists often become defensive or hostile when criticized, seeing it as a threat to their self-image of perfection.
By being mindful of these behaviors, you can better identify individuals who exhibit arrogance and haughtiness, and take steps to protect yourself from their potentially harmful influence.
#7. ENVY & JEALOUSY
Narcissists may be envious of others’ success or possessions, often feeling that they are more deserving. Conversely, they may believe that others are envious of them.
Here’s how to spot this behavior:
Negative Comments About Others’ Success:
Pay attention to how they react to others’ achievements. Narcissists may make disparaging remarks or downplay others’ successes to mask their feelings of envy.
Competitiveness:
Notice if they are overly competitive, especially in situations where there is no need for competition. Narcissists often feel the need to outdo others to prove their superiority.
Disregard for Others’ Achievements:
Observe if they show little interest or empathy towards others’ accomplishments. Narcissists may dismiss others’ achievements as insignificant or undeserving of praise.
Boasting to Mask Insecurities:
Be aware of excessive boasting or bragging about their success or possessions. This can be a way for narcissists to mask their feelings of envy towards others.
Feeling Entitled to Others’ Possessions:
Notice if they believe they are entitled to what others have. Narcissists may feel that they deserve others’ possessions or success more than the individuals themselves.
Projection of Envy onto Others:
Be alert to accusations of others being envious of them. Narcissists may project their feelings of envy onto others, believing that everyone else is envious of their success or possessions.
Undermining Others’ Success:
Watch for behaviors where they try to undermine others’ success or happiness. This can include spreading rumors, sabotaging efforts, or belittling achievements.
Lack of Empathy for Others’ Struggles:
Notice if they show little empathy towards others’ struggles or challenges. Narcissists may view others’ difficulties as deserved or insignificant compared to their own.
Exaggerating Others’ Envy:
Be aware of their tendency to exaggerate or imagine others’ envy towards them. Narcissists may create scenarios in their minds where others are envious of their success or possessions.
Comparing Themselves to Others:
Observe if they frequently compare themselves to others, especially in a way that highlights their superiority. This can be a sign of underlying feelings of envy.
By being mindful of these behaviors, you can better identify individuals who exhibit envy and jealousy, and take steps to protect yourself from their potentially harmful influence.
#8. EXPLOITING RELATIONSHIPS
Narcissists tend to view relationships in terms of what they can gain from them. They may use others for their benefit without regard for the other person’s needs or feelings.
Here’s how to spot this behavior:
One-Sided Relationships:
Pay attention to whether the relationship feels one-sided, with one person consistently benefiting more than the other. Narcissists often prioritize their own needs and desires over those of others.
Lack of Empathy:
Notice if they show a lack of empathy towards others’ feelings or struggles. Narcissists may disregard or dismiss others’ emotions, seeing them as insignificant compared to their own.
Using Others for Personal Gain:
Be aware of behaviors where they use others to achieve their own goals or further their interests, without considering how it might impact the other person.
Manipulative Behavior:
Watch for manipulative tactics, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or playing the victim, to get what they want from others.
Boundary Violations:
Notice if they frequently disregard or violate others’ boundaries. Narcissists may push others to do things they are uncomfortable with, without regard for their feelings or well-being.
Exploiting Vulnerabilities:
Be alert to behaviors where they exploit others’ vulnerabilities or weaknesses for personal gain. This can include using sensitive information against them or manipulating them into doing things they wouldn’t normally do.
Conditional Relationships:
Pay attention to whether the relationship feels conditional, with their affection or support contingent on the other person meeting their needs or expectations.
Lack of Reciprocity:
Notice if they fail to reciprocate in the relationship, such as never offering support or help when it’s needed or only being present when they need something.
Emotional Manipulation:
Be aware of tactics they use to control or manipulate others’ emotions, such as using guilt, fear, or shame to get their way.
Self-Centeredness:
Observe if they consistently steer conversations back to themselves or show little interest in others’ lives or experiences. This can indicate a lack of genuine care or concern for the other person.
By being mindful of these behaviors, you can better identify individuals who may be exploiting relationships for their benefit and take steps to protect yourself from their potentially harmful influence.
#9. DIFFICULTY HANDLING CRITICISM
Narcissists typically react poorly to criticism or perceived slights. They may become defensive, angry, or dismissive, often refusing to accept responsibility for their actions.
Here’s how to spot this behavior:
Defensive Reactions:
Pay attention to how they react when criticized. Narcissists often become defensive, making excuses or shifting blame to avoid accepting responsibility.
Anger and Hostility:
Notice if they respond to criticism with anger or hostility. Narcissists may lash out verbally or even physically when they feel criticized or challenged.
Denial of Fault:
Be aware of their tendency to deny any wrongdoing when criticized. Narcissists often refuse to accept responsibility for their actions, even in the face of clear evidence.
Minimizing Criticism:
Watch for behaviors where they minimize or dismiss criticism as unimportant or irrelevant. They may belittle the source of the criticism or downplay its significance.
Turning the Tables:
Notice if they turn the criticism back on the criticizer. Narcissists may try to deflect criticism by attacking the criticizer’s character or pointing out their flaws.
Playing the Victim:
Be aware of their tendency to portray themselves as the victim when criticized. Narcissists may try to garner sympathy or deflect blame by painting themselves as the injured party.
Seeking Validation:
Pay attention to whether they seek validation or reassurance after being criticized. Narcissists may crave constant validation to maintain their fragile self-esteem.
Avoiding Responsibility:
Notice if they consistently avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Narcissists may shift blame onto others or external factors to avoid admitting fault.
Repeating Patterns:
Be alert to recurring patterns of behavior in response to criticism. If they consistently react defensively or aggressively when criticized, it may be a sign of narcissism.
Inability to Accept Constructive Criticism:
Watch for an inability to accept constructive criticism or feedback. Narcissists may see any form of criticism as a personal attack, regardless of the intent behind it.
By being mindful of these behaviors, you can better identify individuals who have difficulty handling criticism and take steps to protect yourself from their potentially harmful influence.
#10. SUPERFICIAL CHARM
Many narcissists are charming and charismatic, especially in the early stages of relationships. However, this charm often masks their underlying self-centeredness and lack of genuine interest in others.
Here’s how to spot this behavior:
Excessive Flattery:
Pay attention to whether they use excessive flattery or compliments to win people over. Narcissists may use charm as a tool to manipulate others into liking them.
Smooth Talkers:
Notice if they are skilled at engaging in conversation and making others feel special or important. Narcissists often have a way with words that can be captivating and persuasive.
Surface-Level Connections:
Be aware of relationships that feel superficial or lack depth. Narcissists may focus on superficial aspects of a relationship, such as appearances or status, rather than forming meaningful connections.
Quick Intimacy:
Watch for signs of quickly forming intense relationships. Narcissists may rush into relationships, showering the other person with attention and affection to create a sense of closeness.
Lack of Empathy:
Notice if they show a lack of empathy towards others. Despite their charm, narcissists may struggle to truly understand or care about others’ feelings and needs.
Manipulative Behavior:
Be alert to manipulative tactics disguised as charm. Narcissists may use charm to get what they want from others, without considering the other person’s feelings or well-being.
Inconsistent Behavior:
Pay attention to inconsistencies in their behavior. While they may be charming and charismatic at times, they may also exhibit selfish or insensitive behavior that contradicts their charm.
Focus on Themselves:
Notice if conversations consistently revolve around them and their interests. Narcissists may show little interest in others’ lives or experiences, using charm to steer conversations back to themselves.
Lack of Follow-Through:
Be wary if their actions do not align with their charming words. Narcissists may make promises or commitments they have no intention of keeping, using charm to avoid accountability.
Intense First Impressions:
Watch for intense first impressions that seem too good to be true. While initial charm can be genuine, it’s important to look for consistent behavior over time to assess someone’s true intentions.
By being mindful of these behaviors, you can better identify individuals who exhibit superficial charm and take steps to protect yourself from their potentially manipulative influence.
I hope this article has helped you understand the signs of narcissistic behavior. Recognizing these narcissistic behavior traits can help you set boundaries, learn how to change narcissistic behavior patterns in relationships, and protect yourself from the potentially harmful effects of a relationship with a narcissist.
How To Deal With Narcissistic Behavior
Most victims of narcissistic abuse have suffered childhood trauma and tend to recreate the conditions of that trauma in their adult relationships until they do the therapeutic work required to heal their trauma and unmet childhood needs.
The first step on the healing journey is learning about narcissistic abuse and understanding the reasons why you attract narcissists. The self-help books and courses below will help you learn all about narcissism and how to deal with narcissistic behavior in a relationship.
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- How to Spot a Covert Narcissist
- Narcissistic Behavior & Psychology: Certificate
- 12 Manipulative Narcissist Hoovering Tactics
- Books on Narcissism & Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
- How To Set Boundaries in Relationships
- How to Build Good Relationship Skills
- Heal Your Codependent Relationship
- Courage to Leave an Abusive Relationship
- How to Escape Emotional Abuse & Rebuild Your Life
- Train Yourself to Stop Trying Too Hard in Relationships
- Shadow Work: What Is It? How Can It Help You Heal?
- What Is a Trauma Bond? How To Break a Trauma Bond?
- Therapies for Healing Trauma: Recovering from Childhood Trauma
- Esther Perel MasterClass on Relational Intelligence
- Empathy MasterClass with Pharrell Williams & Co-Instructors
