In a world where empathy and compassion are often encouraged, it may seem harsh or unconventional to withhold sympathy for people’s suffering.
However, I’ve come to realize that there are deeper forces at play when it comes to the challenges we face as adults. My perspective has shifted, and here are three reasons why I no longer sympathize with people’s suffering.
I emphasize here that this point of view does not apply to innocent children, animals, and vulnerable people who don’t have agency over their own lives.
#1. We Create Our Reality – By Design or By Default
One of the fundamental reasons I’ve distanced myself from sympathizing with others’ suffering is the belief that we’re the architects of our own lives. Whether consciously or unconsciously, our thoughts, actions, and choices shape the reality we experience.
Many people drift through life on autopilot, reacting to circumstances without realizing their own power to influence them. When people refuse to take responsibility for their circumstances, they often remain stuck in a cycle of suffering.
We can change our mindset, make different decisions, and shift our approach to life, yet many choose to stay in familiar patterns. Sympathy, in this context, feels misplaced when people continuously live in a way that perpetuates their own challenges.
#2. Our Situations Are Often a Result of Past Karma
The concept of karma plays a significant role in understanding suffering. Whether viewed through a spiritual or practical lens, the law of cause and effect governs much of what we experience.
Our past actions, decisions, and behaviors create ripples that eventually return to us, for better or worse. In many cases, people’s suffering is a manifestation of unresolved karma from previous actions or choices.
While it can be tempting to feel sorry for someone enduring hardship, I’ve come to view their experience as a necessary part of their growth. Rather than offering sympathy, I focus on the idea that every challenge is an opportunity for learning and evolution.
#3. People Don’t Change Until They Hit Rock Bottom
One of the harshest truths I’ve learned is that most people won’t change until forced to. Often, it takes hitting rock bottom for individuals to make the adjustments they need to improve their lives finally, and some refuse to change even after that…
Before reaching that breaking point, they may ignore advice, dismiss growth opportunities, and continue down a destructive path. Withholding sympathy allows individuals to confront their situation head-on without the cushion of external comfort.
It forces them to recognize their role in their suffering and empowers them to take the necessary steps toward transformation. They can decide to change only by facing the full weight of their reality.
Ultimately, my perspective on suffering has evolved from one of sympathy to one of detachment and understanding. I believe that we are responsible for our own lives and that suffering often catalyzes growth.
By refraining from sympathy, I hope to encourage others to take accountability for their own lives, take control of their destiny, and break free from the cycles that keep them trapped.
#4. Narcissists See Offers of Help As an Attack
The reason I never help narcissists is because, for them, any offer of help is not seen as a genuine act of support, but rather as a threat to their fragile self-image.
Narcissists are deeply invested in maintaining an inflated sense of superiority and control. When faced with assistance or advice, they interpret it as an attack on their ego, a challenge to their authority, or a subtle way of implying they are incapable.
This defensive reaction is often rooted in insecurity, as their sense of worth is easily shaken. Instead of accepting help graciously, they may lash out with hostility, manipulation, or devaluation.
They might belittle the person offering help to reaffirm their own self-importance, or even escalate the situation by distorting the intent behind the help, framing it as a personal insult.
In some cases, they may even punish those who attempt to assist them, as it reinforces their belief that they are the ones in control and that others must submit to their perceived superiority.
Because of this dynamic, offering help to a narcissist often results in an emotional toll on the person trying to be supportive. It can lead to frustration, confusion, and emotional exhaustion, as the narcissist’s defensiveness becomes an obstacle to meaningful connection.
Recognizing this pattern, I’ve learned that it’s simply not worth the effort to try to help someone whose sense of self-worth is so dependent on others seeing them as flawless and untouchable.